I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize