Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize