I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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