i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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