You know, be my cock's hype man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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