There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize