seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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