I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize