whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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