Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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