I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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