just tell him i said nine months
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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