somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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