I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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