If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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