im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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