just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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