I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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