I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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