one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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