I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize