my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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