those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize