one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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