If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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