***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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