Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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