My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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