why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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