the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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