bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think my moral compass just broke
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