Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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