yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize