I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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