i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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