just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the day after is always just damage control
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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