i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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