I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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