i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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