yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize