No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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