I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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