quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
