Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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