Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize