I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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