Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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