my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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