So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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