Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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