I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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