I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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