I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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