I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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